I had a fitful night filled with nightmares. Boo seemed to have a couple of them too. One had him up out of bed and talking, but very confused, anxious, and unable to complete a sentence. He was restless and wouldn't stay in my lap or in bed. He was pacing in small circles, seeming distressed and muttering things like "um" and "I need" repeatedly without ever finishing the thought. At one point he looked right at me and asked "where is my Mommy?" I don't think he was actually awake. He also kept staring at the glowing numbers on his bedside clock. I finally got him settled back into sleep. Several hours later I was awakened by the sound of his voice, sounding scared, "I need my Mommy!" I ran to his room to find him sound asleep. Looks like yesterday took quite a toll on our little guy........I know it did on his Mommy.
I jumped online today and began again seeking information, help, clarity, understanding...anything that would help me feel less like I am in a free fall. I stumbled on a list of blogs by parents of kids on the spectrum. I scanned down the LONG list till one caught my eye: "Mom, Not Otherwise Specified." I know immediately that this woman had the type of thinking and humor that would just fit with me. I clicked on the link and began reading. It didn't take long before I was in tears. Not over anything she said, really. Just everything hitting me again. I really am a member of this club. This is going to be my life. This isn't something we fix like an ear infection, and it isn't something that just runs its course like a cold.
I determined that I want to make a list of links on this blog to all the ones I find that are helpful and/or informative. Or even that are comforting or entertaining. So that is coming soon. Of course, Boo is asking "is it my turn on the computer now?" The boy can navigate PBSkids.com like he designed it! I also noticed on the other mom's blog that she had a few pictures on there that her son had taken. I thought it was a cute idea, as my Boo is quite the little photog as well. He will snatch my digital camera at every opportunity and takes quite good pictures actually. He tends to catch me with terrible bed head though. *wink* So that is probably coming soon as well.
There's not much else to tell, so I guess it's back to our originally scheduled lives! God Bless.